HER death from breast cancer aged 39 shocked fans five years ago today — and for Girls Aloud singer Sarah Harding’s last boyfriend, the feeling is very much still raw.
Grieving Brian McCaslin, who used to go by the name Chad Johnson, still watches videos of her, dreams of them lying side by side at a pool and wishes they’d had a child together.
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In an exclusive interview to mark the fifth anniversary of Sarah’s death, the 39-year-old American reality star tells how he “couldn’t be prouder” of her legacy for raising awareness about the disease she had.
It was her dying wish that more women get checked for breast cancer — and she inspired a powerful movement that has helped millions.
Brian, who met Sarah on Celebrity Big Brother in 2017, said: “She was the most beautiful, kind-hearted woman. It’s only five years on I truly appreciate who she was and the impact she’s had.
“I was smiling the other day when I saw a video of her. Hearing her voice and seeing her face again reminded me how remarkable she was. She once told me how she really wanted to be a mum and I’d have loved to have had a child with her.
“But although I am so sad that she is no longer here for me to tell her how much I appreciated her, I am also so proud of her and the incredible legacy she has left when it comes to helping others by raising awareness of breast cancer.
“If I could make a fraction of the positive impact Sarah had in life and death in helping people, I’d be happy.
“She is an inspiration. Everyone could do with being a bit more Sarah.”
In our chat, Brian also remembers how Sarah would spend hours playing him old Girls Aloud songs, how she never really told him of the extent of her illness and how he regrets not coming to England to see her before her death.
As one fifth of pop act Girls Aloud, Sarah racked up four No1 UK singles including Sound Of The Underground and The Promise.
But perhaps her greatest legacy was the movement her death inspired in leading other women to get checked.
During the Covid pandemic in 2020, Sarah found a lump in her breast which she dismissed as a cyst and failed to see a doctor.
When she eventually did see a doctor, she discovered the lump was cancerous and it was terminal.
Shortly after her death on September 5, 2021, her mum Marie shared her daughter’s final message: “Don’t let what happened to me happen to you.”
The news of her death — and campaigns such as The Sun’s Get Checked drive — saw breast cancer charity CoppaFeel! receive an 800 per cent spike in visitors to its website.
The Sarah Harding Breast Cancer Appeal — supported by Sarah’s family, friends and Girls Aloud bandmates Cheryl Tweedy, Nadine Coyle, Kimberley Walsh and Nicola Roberts — was launched to fund a study to help younger people identify cancer earlier.
Sarah said: “Although this research may not be in time to help me, it is incredibly close to my heart as it may help women like me.”
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In 2022, her bandmates organised a special 5k charity run with Cancer Research — the Race For Life For Sarah — and a star-studded Primrose Ball to raise funds. They also donated all the profits from a special vinyl edition of their single Sound Of The Underground to the cause, which to date has raised more than £1.2million.
Their fund-raising efforts led to the launch in 2023 of a pioneering research project — the BCAN-RAY study — looking at predicting the risk of breast cancer in young women.
Brian, who appeared in US reality show The Bachelorette, lives in Oklahoma and has now launched his own supplements business, added: “The movement that she inspired after her death was incredible. She’s a hero.”
Brian also recalled how he met Sarah on CBB, which the singer won.
He said: “My management had mentioned to me that I would like this British girl, a singer called Sarah. I had no idea what I was going into. When I met her, I was immediately drawn to her. She had a beautiful aura.
“She was beautiful and someone you really wanted to be around. We were both dealing with a lot of things at the time and we helped each other through.”
In the weeks after the show finished, the pair grew even closer and spent days at her home in Buckinghamshire. He said: “We had a real bond. She had such an infectious personality. She was wonderful to be around. She used to make me this most amazing egg dish, which I loved. We’d order Chinese food in and drink wine.
“Sometimes we wouldn’t leave the house for days. We were just comfortable in each other’s company.
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“We would chat about stuff and play music. She would play me her songs from this band called Girls Aloud, who I had no idea about before. I don’t think I really appreciated her for the talented person she was at the time.
“You could tell how proud she was of her career, but at the same time you could tell that life in a girl band had taken its toll on her. She was relishing the peace and quiet her home in the country gave her.”
But Sarah still maintained some of her party-loving personality.
Brian said: “She had a room with a DJ-like booth and she’d DJ for hours and often play those songs.
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GIO: WE NEED TO TALK
I’M A CELEBRITY winner Giovanna Fletcher feels so strongly about breast cancer awareness she’s given a talk at her sons’ school.
Giovanna, 41, who has three boys – Buzz, Buddy and Max – with McFly’s Tom Fletcher, has campaigned for breast cancer charity CoppaFeel! since 2014 and is leading a fundraising trek to China, setting off today.
In spite of the strides that have been made in raising awareness, she insists more still needs to be done.
Giovanna said: “It’s important to raise awareness among young people so everyone just knows to check as part of their routine.
“My kids know all about it. I did a year-nine assembly at their school, talking about it in an age- appropriate way.
“We can’t hide these things from them. The more we hide them, the scarier and scarier the word ‘cancer’ becomes.”
She will lead the trek along the Great Wall of China – called CoppaTrek! With Gi – to raise funds and awareness for breast cancer charity, CoppaFeel!.
To donate, visit coppatrek-great-wall-of-china.coppafeel.org.
“It felt like there weren’t many chairs in Sarah’s house. It was like it was just the bed and areas to dance.
“Maybe that is just how I’m remembering it because it felt like if she wasn’t sleeping, she was dancing or being active.
“She made you feel really at home. I remember I could be in the bathroom and she would be in another room and I’d feel like I was still with her.
“One time she talked to me about how she wanted to be a mum. It is so sad that she couldn’t fulfil that wish. On reflection, I would have loved to have been the father of her child. She was special.”
When Brian moved back to the US the pair kept up their relationship but after a year or so, they separated as the distance proved too much.
He said: “It was a shame, but the distance was too great. We stayed on good terms — but thinking about how I was Sarah’s last boyfriend makes me equally proud and sad at the same time.”
Brian said that Sarah kept the severity of her illness from him but, in hindsight, he realises that a request for him to visit her in England may have been because she wanted to see him one last time.
He said: “I remember she messaged me asking if I wanted to come and do some work with her in the UK. It seemed quite formal.
“I had no idea at the time that the invitation could have been her way of wanting to see me because she was ill. I just can’t tell.
“I regret not going to see her now because I miss her.”
On hearing about her death, he added: “At the time, I couldn’t process it. I couldn’t believe that this beautiful, talented, loud girl I’d known so well had died.
“I was thinking about her the other day and was hit by this wave of sadness and feeling of missing her.
“I watched a few of her old videos and it made me smile, made me remember the person she was.
“I have a dream that one day I’ll own a beautiful home on the beach in Florida with an infinity pool. I can imagine her being there with me. I’ll think about her if that ever happens.”
But the thing that makes him most proud is her legacy.
He said: “As someone whose mum had breast cancer, I know how important it is to raise awareness of this awful disease and its symptoms.
“Just reading about the impact Sarah had on millions of people after her death makes me swell with pride. It is truly incredible.
“I hope she is always remembered as the wonderful, kind, beautiful girl I knew. I feel so proud to have known her.”
- The Sarah Harding Breast Cancer Appeal was set up with help from The Christie Charity. To find out more or to donate, go to christie.nhs.uk/the-christie-charity/donate.