Comebacks seem like such a good idea on paper. Unfortunately, whether it’s flared trousers, a 90s’ boyband concert or a beloved soap character, the second time around is rarely as good as the first. Zoe Slater’s EastEnders return was, sadly, no exception.
Fans are always crying out for an encore, and the performers aim to please. I worked at Hollyoaks for ten years as a storyliner and a writer. If I had a quid for every time someone pitched a Brendan Brady return, I’d have enough money to pay Emmett Scanlan to come back myself. When a producer is sat staring at a blank story board, the return of a soap legend seems like the answer to their prayers.
That’s how Zoe’s return to EastEnders felt. Until it hit our screens.
When it was first announced last year that Michelle Ryan would reprise her role as the wayward daughter of Walford royalty Kat Moon, (Jessie Wallace), I was in a full on fan-boy frenzy.
Sadly, this author is old enough to remember all the way back in 2001, when Zoe Slater secured her place in the EastEnders Hall of Fame by bawling out that infamous line ‘YOU AIN’T MY MAVVAH!’ at Kat, who responded with ‘YES OI AM!’ in the ‘mavvah’ of all soap bombshells.
Zoe’s second stint on Albert Square had ‘ready made story’ written all over it. Killing the king of ‘Enders villains Dirty Den Watts (Leslie Grantham) automatically made her a certified badass. The fact that she fled the country to escape justice for murdering Soap Satan in 2005 gave her serious unfinished business.
That’s before we even get into her estranged relationship with Kat, which comes with more dodgy baggage than Bridge Street Market. This is the perfect recipe for a soap comeback.
We didn’t get classic Zoe rampaging around around the Square lying, feuding and scheming like the first class cow she is. The story was barely about Zoe. It was about her long-lost children Jasmine Fisher (Indeyarna Donaldson-Holness) and Josh Goodwin (Joshua Vaughan).
Zoe loves those kids. So does the EastEnders writing team, given how they received the lion’s share of the plot. Jasmine was Zoe’s stalker. Jasmine killed her own father , Anthony Trueman (Nicholas Bailey). Jasmine got a low-stakes love triangle with her boyfriend and her twin brother.
On the subject of Josh, I would never advise anyone to play drinking games. So if you’re watching past episodes of EastEnders, absolutely do not take a sip of wine every time Zoe says ‘I have to find my son.’ You’ll be under the table before the credits.
And don’t even get me started on the cat.
Mini-Mo, the furry four-legged plot distraction. Somebody please explain the point of Zoe adopting a pet she found in The Queen Vic’s cellar. Because it has the same name as beloved Slater matriarch Mo Harris? (Laila Morse). Because it’s vaguely reminiscent of that time she owned a cat back in 2005? Because taking in strays is some weird, heavy-handed metaphor for welcoming her son and daughter into the family?
That moggy is the only thing Zoe spent more time searching for than her son. Seriously, hun. Get a house plant. Or a sourdough starter. If only she’d gone looking for something more compelling. The plot, for instance.
The juiciest parts of the story – the birth of twins, the possible murder of a private investigator and a quick how’s-your-father with Max Branning (Jake Wood) – all happened offscreen.
This breaks the cardinal rule of comebacks. A returning character should always throw the story forward, not drag it into the past.
So much of Zoe’s second coming felt like it relied on the viewers’ nostalgia; a risky strategy for a character who hasn’t been onscreen for two decades. The reveal that Jasmine’s stalking was at the behest of Zoe’s arch-enemy Chrissie Moon (Tracy-Ann Oberman), should have been epic. Instead, it felt out of place: a gothic twist intruding in a tear-jerking, emotional reunion between a mother and daughter.
Then Zoe died. Not by big, fiery, stunt. Not by somehuge catastrophe that’s part of anotherongoing story. She smacked her head on the concrete while attempting to get Charlie Slater’s old cab back.
In the soap biz, being exited by a black cab is a vanilla way to go. Death by black cab is certainly a twist on a classic. Death by stationary black cab just feels like a diss.
I know how soap works. Things happen behind the scenes. Artists’ schedules change. Stories get ripped up at the last minute. It’s impossible to know and pointless to speculate. But this can’t have been the plan.
Zoe came back to Walford, found her kids, got a cat, pulled a few pints, and boom. RIP. Michelle Ryan is a terrific actress. She deserved so much more.
If I sound angry, it’s because I love EastEnders.
When the show good, it’s beyond compare. Denise Fox’s acute myeloid leukaemia has been about as raw and real as cancer can get onscreen. Ian Beale’s (Adam Woodyatt) hit and run horror breathed fresh life into one of Walford’s oldest antagonists. Both stories expertly tied into the grisly final chapter of serial killer (Gray Atkins Toby-Alexander Smith). Now that’s a comeback.
Whichbrings me neatly to Sean Slater’s return.
Ever since EastEnders boss Ben Wadey teased Rob Kazinsky’s return to Walford as the classic character, soap world has been quite rightly squealing at their screens in delight.
Sean is a character whose very name promises chaos, unpredictability, messy relationships and overall a good time for the audience, just like Zoe did once up upon a time
Also just like Zoe, Sean doesn’t need a massive injection of new characters for the story to come alive. He’s already got connections with a rogue’s gallery of old faces on the Square, including Amy Mitchell (Ellie Dadd) – whom he once believed was his biological daughter – as well as some bad blood with Max and Jack Branning (Scott Maslen).
Sean’s return feels like both a stroll down memory lane and an unexploded bomb waiting to go off.Zoe’s return felt like being slapped in the face by an old friend.
The only purpose it served was to pass the Slater torch down to Jasmine and Josh. Don’t get me wrong. I’m all for introducing the next generation to the Square. But Zoe should feel like the driver, not the vehicle.
With one Slater dying, it feels like the perfect time to reintroduce another. The key to good soap is making the audience think you planned it all out from the start when actually, you’re completely making it up as you go along. That’s why it’s critical that Sean is at the front and centre of Clan Slater going forward. He should be acting, not reacting Going toe-to-toe with Max and Jack, starting new romances left and right, trying hard to be the good man he is deep down and failing every step of the way. No new characters to take the focus away, no rectons, and NO CATS.
During my time at Hollyoaks, I supported bringing back many familiar faces including Clare Devine (Gemma Bissix), Luke Morgan (Gary Lucy) and even actor Jeremy Sheffield as Patrick’s Blake’s bloodthirsty doppelganger Jez. Some went down a storm. Others not so much.
What I learned was to ask myself some crucial questions before pitching a blast from the past; how is the character different this time? What will change? How will it affect our current regulars? Why should we care? Fail to answer any of these, and you tarnish the legacy of a classic character. Get it right, and you make soap history.
So would I have brought Zoe back?
If the EastEnders story team had come to me and said ‘Here’s our pitch… Zoe Slater returns! We don’t have all the details. Something-something twins something-something cat. But we’ll make it work! It’s Zoe Slater! ZOE SLATER!’ Would I have honestly taken that risk?
You betcha, sweetheart. Now get out of my pub.
Doof…doof… doof doof doof.
Comment now
Comments
Add Metro as a Preferred Source on Google
Add as preferred source