Could a chance encounter be all it takes to end a happy marriage?
This week’s reader thought she was blissfully happy with her husband, until a chance encounter with an old school friend turned her world upside down.
After weeks of secret meet-ups at restaurants and coffee shops, she’s realised that she may not being as faithful as she thinks.
Keep reading to find out more, but before you go, check out last week’s dilemma, from a woman whose boyfriend’s high libido has become a serious problem.
The problem…
I’ve been married to a lovely guy for over six years and during that time it has never entered my head to be unfaithful.
But since a chance meeting at a 40th birthday party in May, I’ve been exchanging Facebook messages with an old friend from school, as well as meeting him for lunch or coffee during the day when my husband isn’t around.
I know it’s not an excuse, but I’m left alone a lot as my husband often works away, so I never have a problem fitting in these little rendezvous.
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This school friend and I have never kissed or even held hands, but I really look forward to seeing him and think about him all the time.
Whenever I have sex with my husband, I fantasise about my ‘coffee mate’ and to be honest, it’s really a turn on.
He lived with a woman for many years but sadly, she died of breast cancer in 2024 and since then he’s been alone. Her death left him heartbroken, but recently he told me he’s ready to start again and hinted that he’d like to take things further with me.
Of course, I’ve said that’s out of the question, as I do love my husband and anyway, I have two small children so don’t want to break up the family.
I tell myself I’m not being unfaithful, as nothing untoward has happened between us. But recently, I confided in some friends who were absolutely horrified and told me I need to end things with this guy.
Deep down, I know she’s right, but I just don’t want to stop seeing him.
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The advice
In your very first sentence, you say it has never entered your head to be unfaithful. But that’s not true, is it?
What you’re doing now is cheating on your husband, just not in the conventional way – at least, not yet. How would he feel about your secret get-togethers if he found out? I’m pretty sure he’d consider it cheating.
You don’t need me to tell you that you’re putting your marriage at risk, so if you truly value it and see a future with your husband, then you need to break contact with this guy, right now.
On the other hand, if you see a future with your Facebook friend, you should end your marriage before you take things any further. It will be a messy time, but not half as messy as it will be if you have an affair and get caught.
Remember, this isn’t all about you, your partner or even your ‘coffee mate’. It’s about your children too, who will suffer most from any breakup, so think very carefully before you decide what to do.
If you feel lonely when your partner’s away, there must be other friends you could see or phone. You say it’s no excuse, and you’re right – it isn’t.
I’m sure spending time with someone who fancies you is a great ego trip, but please don’t be selfish. This guy deserves another chance at life and if that’s not going to be with you, then set him free to find the love he’s looking for.
Laura is a counsellor and columnist.
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