There’s one word she said in bed that completely turned me off

‘You got to stop saying that!’

I stopped mid-sex, yelling at the beautiful woman in my bed.

With one hand still inside of Kayla* and the other gently around her face, I finally snapped.

I had hit my limit with her.

She was perfect in most ways, sexy, unattached – a simple hook up with no complications. Except for one thing.

Every time she orgasmed, she said this one phrase that turned me off.

She would unironically scream: ‘ascend me’ and it was an unbelievable ick.

I first saw Kayla at a restaurant, when I went to meet a friend, Vanessa*, for drinks. Vanessa had just finished eating with Kayla, and as she left, our eyes met and I smiled at her.

The first thing I noticed were her green eyes, and then her long brown waves as they bounced off her shoulder. She was utterly gorgeous.

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Before she could leave, I grabbed her arm and introduced myself, making sure not to break eye contact.

The flirting worked – I found out the next day she asked Vanessa about me. I passed on my interest in her too, but left it vague. I didn’t want her to think I was looking for anything serious.

The next time I saw her, we were sat next to each other in a pub getting drunk with our mutual friends.

Turns out we had a lot of people in common, and I hadn’t met her before since she had been travelling around Europe when I first got involved in this particular group of friends. And now she was back, and looking for non-committal fun.

Perfect for me – I was in no state of mind for a relationship, but wanted to stop having senseless sex.

She fit in my life perfectly.

After drinking in the pub, we shared a kiss and parted ways, too drunk to do anything else. But we were part of a Whatsapp group, so we were aware of each other’s availability. I knew if she was going to a party, and if it would be worth putting make up on or not.

Eventually, around a month after our kiss, we were at a friend’s birthday at a bar in London together and hooked up again.

A kiss led to touching, led to whispers, led to us leaving the party to go back to mine.

As we entered my apartment, Kayla stopped, smiled and took in a deep breath.

‘The vibes here are great’, she said, smiling happily at me.

‘The vibes?’

I snorted a laugh, but she was serious. That should have been my first warning.

This girl wasn’t just beautiful, she was a beautiful spiritual hippie, and she would be annoying the hell out of me very soon.

I took her straight to bed and we started having sex. I was more dominant the first time, and it became my role in our hookups – I wasn’t mad at it, something in me must have already wanted to dominate her.

Maybe it was the ‘vibes’ comment.

But as she was about to come, she screamed the most innocuous phrase that completely blindsided me.

‘Ascend me!’

Her eyes were wide open, looking up at the ceiling as she smiled happily.

My face was completely different – it had a sort of grimace and snarl to it.

‘Ascend me?’

I whispered as I took my fingers out of her and moved next to her in bed.

Meet Sydney Summers

Hi besties,

As Metro’s brand spanking new sex columnist, I’m here to bring you stories from my sensual past. I’ve gone through it all – from toe sucking to raunchy injuries – and I’m here to share it all with YOU.

Leave any shame you feel in the past and join me in some saucy fun x