Clarification of the week? We’ll go with the rather elaborate one offered by Charlton manager Nathan Jones. It all started with his considerable ire following his side having a goal ruled out for offside during their scoreless Championship draw with QPR.

“They were giving offsides willy-nilly,” he said afterwards. “We had one offside which wasn’t. It’s onside and it has cost us three points. I think the arrogance of the linesman is mental because he’s looking at me as if I’ve just volleyed his cat.”

Come Friday, perhaps fearing that people might actually think he engages in cat-volleying, like that former West Ham charmer Kurt Zouma, Jones went to great lengths to establish his innocence.

“First and foremost, I’d like to clarify that I’ve never volleyed a cat, I’m an animal lover. I have a dog myself, some days it takes me 10-15 minutes to leave the house because I’m trying to get a fly out so he doesn’t die. That’s genuine. I have OCD and I’m a massive animal lover. So at no point have I ever volleyed a cat.”

How much does he love his dog? “I would take a bullet for it, I love my dog. My dog is one of the greatest things on this planet. It’s like a daughter to me, that dog, and I would genuinely take a bullet. I hope I don’t have to prove that theory but I would take a bullet for my dog.” How could you not love this man?

Quote

“There is a proverb in Portugal that says ‘you only throw stones at trees that bear fruit’. Vini is a tree heavy with fruit. And people throw stones because they want that fruit.” – José Mourinho on Vinícius Júnior, the apple of his eye.

By the Numbers: 407

That’s how many minutes (not counting added time) Spurs have now gone without a Premier League goal. Light a candle for them.

Word of Mouth

“We have to get better during every training session. It’s just like with plane crashes. That’s where you learn … this is not a good comparison. But you understand what I mean.” – The moment it dawned on AC Milan gaffer Ruben Amorim that using a plane crash analogy on the 25th anniversary of 9/11 wasn’t ideal.

“Delaying the meals, delaying the transport, taking a different route to the ground. We’ve done many things, made the dressingroom hotter, more difficult, more challenging, less beds.” – Mikel Arteta on his latest rather quirky ways of preparing his team for anything – including turning off the air conditioning in the dressingroom.

“They know what they are. The fat rat wishes you a nice weekend.” – Bruno Guimarães sending a loving message to Sunderland fans after his goal on Saturday, them not having given the warmest of greetings to the former Newcastle man.

Rules are not Crystal clear for Palace

The last time Crystal Palace’s women’s team was in the top flight in England, in the 2024-25 season, they won just two of their 22 games and went straight back down to the WSL2. But they came up again and opened the new WSL campaign last weekend with a 1-0 over Everton. So, after just one game they’re already half way to matching that tally of wins in 2024-25. Or are they?

While teams are allowed make five substitutions in a game, they can only make them in one of three stoppages in play, not counting the half-time break. What did Palace do? They brought on a player in the 97th – 97th! – minute, so her boots had barely touched the pitch when the final whistle blew. The problem? Manager Jo Potter had already used three windows to bring on subs.

The upshot? The WSL announced they will investigate to see if there was a breach of competition rules. If found guilty, Palace could face having to replay the game or, worse, have the three points taken away with another possible points deduction added on.

The moral of the story? Count your substitution windows. Carefully.

More word of mouth

“I came last season when the shit was like this, you know? I repeat: shit. The improvement is not immediate.” – Roberto De Zerbi, relishing life as Spurs manager.

“As a human being, he’s top. He’s very calm, he’s not a guy who screams, he has all the solutions and tactically, he’s amazing. I call him the small Arsene Wenger.” – Granit Xhaka singing the praises of Sunderland manager Régis ‘Petit’ Le Bris.

“How many times do you see him sitting between two centre-halves? He’s the last man. It’s an old man’s way of playing midfield. He’s not a midfielder then, is he? I think he may be a centre-half.” – Graeme Souness remaining a touch unconvinced by Declan Rice’s midfield-general credentials.