It’s a whole seven years since Spurs proudly announced their new “Official Supplier of Toiletries” as London company Molton Brown. Their commercial manager described it as an honour to work with “a world-class brand in Tottenham Hotspur” (behave yourselves) and to supply products that would be “so appreciated by its staff and guests”.

But as The Sun told us last week, Spurs supremo Roberto De Zerbi believes some of the club’s guests were appreciating those products a little too much – like the “Mesmerising Oudh Bath and Shower Gel” that provides an “opulent body wash, a glistening ode to richly complex oudh, infused with bright bergamot and smoky notes of black tea”.

Which guests? The ones in the opposing dressingroom. So De Zerbi has, says The Sun, ordered the ditching of these luxury toiletries from that very spot “in a bid to change the club’s mentality”, reckoning that “opponents have been treating their world-class stadium like a pleasant day out rather than an intimidating football ground”.

Considering they’ve only won one of their last 12 home league games, losing seven, he could be right. His theory will be tested next Saturday when Everton, bereft of a glistening ode to richly complex oudh, will be the visitors and Spurs will hope for the smoky note of an actual goal.

Word of mouth

“Do you know what that stat is like? Years ago you go to a nightclub and you chat to a girl all night – but you go home by yourself. What is your xG?” – Roy Keane with an analogy for the ages to describe, well, expected goals.

“I always dreamed of being at a club as big as City.” – Enzo Fernández after his £125 million (€145 million) move from Chelsea to Manchester City, ensuring a less-than-warm welcome at Stamford Bridge when he returns.

“Enzo is a good player, but, if we’re being completely honest, I don’t think he is anywhere near the level I was playing at City. Taking my shirt is one thing … replacing Kevin De Bruyne is something completely different.” – Kevin De Bruyne is a touch sceptical about the notion that Fernández will fill his boots at City.

In words

“Football is sometimes inexplicable; it’s a shitty sport.” – A deflated Paris Saint-Germain gaffer Luis Enrique after his side’s 2-1 home defeat by Monaco.

In numbers

3 – That’s how many Republic of Ireland men have now scored against Real Madrid in La Liga: Michael Robinson (for Osasuna), John Aldridge (twice for Real Sociedad) and, oh yes, Troy Parrott (for Real Betis).

Love story

You’ll recall the rather protracted negotiations between Vinicius Júnior and Real Madrid during summer over his new contract, his old one due to expire next summer – at which point, of course, he could have left for nothing.

Arsenal and PSG were said to be among the clubs watching the saga carefully, but in the end the player and club agreed a new deal.

“This operation between Vini and Real Madrid was like a trilogy of romance movies,” said Thiago Freitas of the Roc Nation agency, which represents the Brazilian. “In the course of these movies there are conflicts, there are questions, there are some obstacles, impediments or hang-ups. But we all know how the movie is going to end: with a big kiss and everyone’s happiness.”

Mind you, if Real Madrid gave you a six-year deal worth in or about €180 million, then you’d kiss them too.

More Word of Mouth

“He’s the Darwin Nuñez of full-backs: it’s just like ‘head down and run’.” – Jamie Carragher on Liverpool’s Milos Kerkez – and, no, he wasn’t being complimentary.

“Congrats to Betis: they won the lottery tonight.” – Real Madrid’s José Mourinho taking that defeat to Troy Parrott well.

“This was certainly not on my bucket list for 2026. We have arrived in Saudi Arabia and I think I am still in shock to be honest.” – Ellie Watkins is a bit less chuffed about her move to the Middle East than her husband Ollie is.

“Pressure, threats, retaliation, none of that scares me. I’ve been through worse things … believe me. I didn’t accept it when everything here was falling apart and they needed me. I stayed and gave my life.” – Spurs’ Richarlison is taking his failed move to Everton well.