Every year, loyal customers are forced to jump through hoops by companies that claim to ‘care’ – all the while, new customers get better offers

I know I shouldn’t have started.

But with no children to get back to school, I decided last week was as good as any to knuckle down with my disobedient and truculent utility bills.

They’ve been quiet over the summer. The heating isn’t on yet, but it won’t be long. The wifi has been on the blink and the car insurance had to be renewed, minus one expensive L-plate driver.

The only glimmer is that the electricity and gas is in a new contract, so the back of the drawer beckons for the paperwork.

I’m good at all this. I keep documents, know my way around a comparison website and understand the lingo of customer services. I used to run a customer service desk, aeons ago.

I have reminders on my phone, stickers on folders and don’t leave things until the last moment.

And it is very trying. It shouldn’t be this hard.

Corporate communications are reactive, rather than proactive, until money is needed. You’re told, for instance, that it’s time to renew, or that the price is going up, or that if you fail to pay, dire consequences will follow.

This is all done very pleasantly by people who are delighted with your custom, eager to make sure you get assistance, preferably online and not by bothering them directly.

When you do phone up, the “press one” is usually a message suggesting you try to do their job for them on the website first.

So doesn’t it feel, amid the convenience of digitalisation and computerisation, that we’re working harder to do the same things?

Take the broadband. It’s in a TV bundle, so there’s a monthly fee for both, which had been €58. Not bad, you say? I agree.

Anyway, it jumped to €114. Mad, I know. Did we lose the run of ourselves bingeing on MasterChef and The Traitors?

Am I doom-scrolling so much the internet is punishing me?

The so-called “introductory” offer we secured six months ago is up, so this is the “normal” rate, we are told.

Nothing normal about it, if you ask me.

A tortuous round of emails and phone gymnastics ensued – at least three suppliers were cross-checked, twice we threatened to switch to one of them, and as the wifi has a mind of its own, we shouldn’t have to pay for its notions.

So right now as I write, there’s a bloke with a box downstairs, replacing the other box another man installed and hey, ho the price is the old “introductory” rate again.

For six months anyway, until the entire exercise kicks off again.

In a comical turn of events, the call-centre operator did, in fairness, do her best to try and “see what she could do” for us.

Cue audible tapping of a keyboard over the phone line. This happens for the car insurance too. Tap tap, gosh, we really, really want to get you a cheaper price and reduce our commission here.

Were we prepared to do without the children’s channels? I didn’t know we had them, so that’s a yes. The mother of the grandchild very sensibly doesn’t let him watch any mindless rubbish.

What about EWTN, and another channel of soft porn masquerading as fashion?

Erm, OK. Turns out, the first is a global conservative Catholic TV station which offers a four-part series on the “Kingship of Christ” and a free Knock medal to keep me out of hell.

I’ll take my chances, lady.

The other features scantily clad ladies on catwalks 24/7. Himself put up a modest defence, but the subscription cost won out.

Companies rely on apathy. Customers who put their fingers in their ears, renewal papers in the bin and curse the lot of them, are really and truly their favourite ones.

Companies make it more and more difficult to switch, ask questions, make contact or complain. Every year, the same ones appear on the lists of crap companies to deal with, or whatever it’s called.

It shouldn’t be this hard.

The motor insurance industry, for example, was hauled in front of an Oireachtas committee some years back to be grilled on why new customers were treated better than loyal ones.

The concept of “price-walking” entered the parliamentary lexicon. This is where a deliberate decision is taken to charge existing customers of an insurance company more than new ones.

It’s a fine for apathy, a charge for confusion, a cost of indifference.

Blame the customer for not having a spare half-day to trawl through 14 pages and answer a bunch of questions over the phone three times over. Sucker.

Anyhow, it’s banned since July 2022 and this year the Motor Insurance Transparency Code will show customers a breakdown of their renewal premium, on more paper.

But that’s not the spirit of service. It’s the letter, rather than the essence, of the law.

Saying you’re customer-led, consumer-focused and a market leader reads well, but not if you’re constructing more hoops for them to jump through.