MY deepest sympathy to Andy Burnham following the death of his father Roy, who had Alzheimer’s.
Consequently, he didn’t know that his son had become Prime Minister.
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That’s perhaps the cruellest part of this terrible disease.
It not only robs people of their memories, but often stops them enjoying the special moments of the present day.
My 95-year-old mother has Alzheimer’s too, so I know all too well how soul-destroying it is to watch someone disappear by degrees.
It’s a prolonged form of grief because there are so many moments of loss before the final one.
Nearly one million people in the UK are currently living with some form of dementia and, as our population ages, the number is projected to rise to 1.4million by 2040.
It’s fair to say that dementia is one of the great health and social care challenges of our age, so it’s good to have a PM who clearly understands that.
On rare occasions, my mum shows a flicker of recognition towards me, but mostly not.
So my regular visits to her care home are taken up with me explaining who I am, then listening to imaginary worries that are escalated by the disease.
It’s exhausting and that’s just in short bursts.
For anyone who’s doing the day-to-day caring themselves, I don’t know how they cope.
Recent research from the Alzheimer’s Society found that 43 per cent of those caring for someone with dementia reach breaking point.
More than half said caring had damaged their mental health.
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I’m only surprised it’s not higher, particularly if you’re dealing with the frightened confusion of someone who no longer knows who you are, or constant anger or, in many cases, physical aggression.
In her late eighties, my mother was living independently and a keen volunteer guide at Westminster Abbey.
She adored that job, but when she fell and shattered her hip at home, she had to take time out after a replacement and went rapidly downhill from there.
“I hate not being able to do things for myself,” she said shortly after the op.
“If I ever go doolally, just take me out to sea in a boat and push me overboard.”
And she wasn’t joking.
So when I look at her now, three years after her move to a care home, I know full well that if she was still compos mentis, she’d be hissing at me to put her out of her misery.
I can’t and, of course, I wouldn’t. But it’s also important to say at this juncture that, when it finally comes, her death will be a release.
If you’re someone whose loved one lives with dementia but you still experience those small pockets of happiness, then it’s understandable you will want to keep them with you for as long as possible. But it’s not always like that.
People of a certain age will remember Judith Chalmers, the spirited, adventurous globe-trotter who presented travel shows such as Wish You Were Here.
She died in May this year, aged 90, from complications relating to Alzheimer’s disease.
The day after her death, her son Mark Durden-Smith, also a TV presenter, was interviewed live from her garden.
When the news presenter expressed sympathy for his loss, Mark had the courage to say: “It’s a relief, to be honest.”
I say courage, because society has constructed a rather singular approach to grief in which, to many, the only permissible emotion following a death is devastation.
But dementia doesn’t work like that, and by the time death comes, families have already mourned the loss of memories, chats, personality and recognition one painful piece at a time.
Until eventually, they see you as a stranger and retreat within themselves to such an extent that they’re having no life at all.
She’s no Madge for Teri
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DESPERATE Housewives star Teri Hatcher is taking over the Miranda Priestly role in the stage version of The Devil Wears Prada.
Apparently, they wanted Madonna but she turned it down.
Good. In 2002, I saw her make her West End theatre debut in the play Up For Grabs, in which she played a ruthless art dealer.
Not only was she painfully awkward, but the audience was packed with her music fans who rose to their feet and shouted, “Go, girl!” with gusto when she appeared on stage.
As the mighty Miranda might say, please bore someone else with your enthusiasm.
SORRY, PARK IS CLOSED
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IS there anyone left in the park with George?
First, Ariana Grande pulled out of the forthcoming theatre production of Sunday In The Park With George after saying she needs a mental health break from being under public scrutiny. Fair enough.
But now her co-star Jonathan Bailey, of Bridgerton fame, has issued a long-winded and vague statement about how it’s his “passion project” and how lucky he feels to have “shared in its journey with the team” but that he’s also dropping out. Go figure.
Producers are now scrabbling around for replacements but the show could be delayed for a year or more.
Which, in a mostly freelance-based industry where jobs are hard to come by, will be bad news for the dedicated backstage team who have bills to pay.
MANY kids are missing out on school trips because the cost is so high.
Research suggests that one in four parents who paid for a foreign trip last year spent more than £1,000.
Eek. The only school trip I ever went on was a day trip to Calais in 1977 that cost £55.
The idea was to improve our French, and I was encouraged to ask a passer-by where the nearest market was. He replied: “I dunno, love. I’m from Birmingham.”
ESCORT JESTER
ANOTHER day, another Sussex drama.
This time, their security team has decided that Archie and Lilibet’s school run isn’t “operationally secure” because of distance and heavy traffic.
Hmmm.
The distance was known from the second they signed up to the school, and heavy morning traffic at the start of the autumn term is hardly a new phenomenon.
Could this and the fact that the Home Office is currently reviewing their security arrangements by any chance be related?
VOTE FOR COMMON SENSE . .
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THE PM’s fondness for devolution is being sorely tested by the small Oxfordshire village of Piddington, which was expected yesterday to vote to formally withdraw itself from the UK and become a principality like Monaco.
Unfortunately for them, it’s not legal. But what it has achieved is plenty of publicity for their major grievance.
Namely the plans for 1,250 undocumented, male asylum seekers to be accommodated on an old Ministry of Defence site next door.
The women of Piddington (population 358) made a video expressing their concerns that has now been viewed millions of times, and also wrote to every female MP for support.
“They would outnumber us ten to one. As fellow women, you will understand the serious risks,” they said.
Meanwhile, their own MP – Lib Dem Calum Miller – has signed a letter in support of the asylum seekers.
No doubt the people of Piddington will remember this when he next appears on their doorstep asking for votes.
Meanwhile, it remains to be seen if this wholly peaceful, yet devastatingly effective protest will spark enough common sense from the Home Office to rethink the plan.
Whatever the outcome, I look forward to the TV series of Mrs Bates (or whoever) vs The Home Office.
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THE rescue team that responds to serious call-outs on Snowdon has said it needs a “serious conversation about what is happening in our mountains”.
They’re talking about climbers who are “unprepared for what they are facing”.
Otherwise known as, sigh, social media influencers.
Yes, just like the “adventure junkies” who get into trouble in the world’s “no-go” areas, we’re now seeing a trend for photos taken in hard-to-reach terrain with no warning of the preparation it takes to get there.
Consequently, the rescue teams say they dealt with 59 emergencies in August alone.
“There has to be greater focus on prevention and responsibility,” says one of the rescuers.
Or better still, just stick to taking photos in cute bakeries.
Tuesday 15 September
Peterborough
2 – 2
Live 74′
Barnsley
Middlesbrough
1 – 2
Live 60′
Millwall
Falkirk
1 – 1
Live 59′
Hearts
Hibernian
0 – 1
Live 59′
Kilmarnock
Motherwell
0 – 2
Live 59′
Aberdeen
Stenhousemuir
0 – 0
Live 57′
Partick
West Ham
2 – 2
Live 57′
Fulham
Tuesday 15 September
L Orient
1 – 2
Southern Group F
Arsenal
Swindon
1 – 2
Southern Group E
Crystal Palace
Wycombe
2 – 1
Southern Group C
Chelsea
Chesterfield
5 – 3
Northern Group D
Man City
York
1 – 3
Northern Group C
Newcastle
Alavés
0 – 1
PRD
Valencia
Rayo
2 – 1
PRD
Espanyol
Standings currently unavailable.
Tuesday 15 September
Peterborough
2 – 2
Live 74′
Barnsley
Middlesbrough
1 – 2
Live 60′
Millwall
Falkirk
1 – 1
Live 59′
Hearts
Hibernian
0 – 1
Live 59′
Kilmarnock
Motherwell
0 – 2
Live 59′
Aberdeen
Stenhousemuir
0 – 0
Live 57′
Partick
West Ham
2 – 2
Live 57′
Fulham
Tuesday 15 September
L Orient
1 – 2
Southern Group F
Arsenal
Swindon
1 – 2
Southern Group E
Crystal Palace
Wycombe
2 – 1
Southern Group C
Chelsea
Chesterfield
5 – 3
Northern Group D
Man City
York
1 – 3
Northern Group C
Newcastle
Alavés
0 – 1
PRD
Valencia
Rayo
2 – 1
PRD
Espanyol
Standings currently unavailable.