Part memoir, part self help book, Kyla Cobbler’s first book Happy, Thank You. More Please expands on a life philosophy that has served the vivacious Cork comedian well.
As Cobbler explains in the latest episode of The Women’s Podcast, the title comes from an expression coined by a close friend, which she says has become her “life motto”.
”It’s an act of gratitude, basically,” she tells podcast host Róisín Ingle. “It’s so simple and so easy and quick. It’s just a gorgeous way to practice gratitude every day, in your everyday rituals, without having to sit down with a pen and paper, and light a candle, and write down three things that you’re grateful for every single day.”
And Cobbler has a lot to be grateful for. In the five years since she first stepped on stage for an open mic comedy night in Barcelona, she has performed sold out shows all over Ireland and is looking forward to becoming only the second Irish comedian – after Joanne McNally – to headline the 3Arena this February with her show, Not My Lemons. She has also amassed more than one million plus followers on Instagram with her smart, engaging and utterly unfiltered observational comedy.
The book is a reflection on Cobbler’s life, from her childhood growing up in the “now posh” Ballincollig in Cork, to her appetite for adventure that took her to Greece, Australia, Italy and Barcelona. She struggled at school and was eventually diagnosed with dyspraxia and dyslexia, but none of that has held her back. Happy, Thank You. More Please is an inspiring tale of self-acceptance, gratitude and the power of female connection.
“I’m living my dream. I truly am. I never thought I would have a life like this and I only get one time in this life to be myself, and I get to do it in such an open and supportive way with people around me,” she says. “Genuinely, if I can just keep doing this, I’ll be sorted.”
In this episode, she also reflects on the challenges she has faced along the way including the relationship that tainted her time in the Italian city of Milan. Cobbler was in her early 20s, working and living in the city, when she met an “absolutely gorgeous” Italian man, who “was successful, handsome and very magnetic as a person”.
They quickly struck up a relationship and although the first few weeks were spent in a “little loving bubble”, things soon fell apart.
The 35-year-old says it’s only looking back at the relationship now, that she can see she was being coercively controlled. “He never, ever shouted at me, he never called me names, it was just this silent treatment.”.
“He would do it in a way where he would talk to me just enough that if I said, “Oh, you’re odd,” he was like, “No, I’m not.”
“That’s the thing with coercive control … when you hear about abusive relationships, it’s always physical abuse, or men that shout, are loud, are aggressive, or throw things. And it just didn’t look like what I thought abuse looked like.”
His actions weren’t limited to stonewalling. The Italian man, “who everyone loved” would also refuse all affection, care and attention unless his expectations around his partner’s behaviour or appearance were met. Cobbler, who was typically social and outgoing, found herself withdrawing from people. “ I ended up just never going out because he used to be so weird afterwards,” she says.
Having discovered he was cheating on her with another woman, Cobbler finally found the courage to leave, eventually moving to Barcelona just as the pandemic hit in March 2020. A debilitating bout of depression and joyful healing followed during which she declared she was giving up on ever finding love. Then in a twist straight out of a romantic comedy, she met her South-African partner Simon Stewart in a Barcelona comedy club. They married in an intimate ceremony earlier this year.
“Simon is just my everything,” she says. “Of all the success and all the fame and money and everything that comes with it, Simon is the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
“As they say, happiness is only real when shared. And Simon is who I share it with.” In other words: “Happy, Thank you. More please.”
Kyla Cobbler plays the 3Arena on February 26th.
You can listen back to this episode in the player above or search The Women’s Podcast, wherever you get your podcasts.